you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
