And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
