I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
