do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
