just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
organizing the empties. That sober.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
being pregnant is like rehab
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize