This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
