I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
