Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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