i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
