There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
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