ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
