This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
