First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
