so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
