Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
