My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
