Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize