Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
