We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
