Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
you made out with another girl for some wings
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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