he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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