Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
