can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
