You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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