we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I just had sex on a roof
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I could fuck to npr.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Randomize
