Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize