The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Randomize
