guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize