I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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