you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
