theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize