He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
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