we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
