he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
