I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
