in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
