I'm jealous of your bromance
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
