I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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