i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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