Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
i black out too much to be "responsible"
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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