it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
