How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
