does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
