so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
