He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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