Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
