Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
