i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
