Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
