are you so shy because you have an std?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
