he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
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