does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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