I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
