im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
