the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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