Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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