so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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