3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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