even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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