The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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