now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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