you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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