Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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