I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
