she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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