On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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