3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize