My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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