walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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