You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
