3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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