just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
